HOW MANY STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB AT:

SHERWOOD: Six - one varsity athlete to change it and five of his
friends to help him with his geometry homework

BCC: Three - one to screw it in and two to sculpt the old one into a bong

WALTER JOHNSON: Twenty - a committee composed of students from every possible
ethnic group to screw it in unison

POOLESVILLE: Twelve - six to hike to the nearest village to buy a new one,
one to screw it in, and five to plow the fields and feed the oxen while the
other seven are occupied

CHRUCHILL: None - their butlers do it for them

DAMASCUS: They're still working on it

QUINCE ORCHARD: 216 - One to steal a bulb from someone else, fifteen to start
rumors about who the thief was, and two hundred to have an unsupervised
party off-campus

RICHARD MONTGOMERY: Two - One to screw it in perfectly, and another to kill
himself when he finds out that the first guy did it better than him

GOOD COUNSEL: 301 - One to screw it in and three hundred to be really lame

GEORGETOWN PREP: Two - one to screw it in and one to buy an inflatable sheep
so they can party all night long

LANDON: One - but he tries to do it like the guys at Prep

WHITMAN: Seven - one to screw it in and six to talk about how chill it is

HOLY CROSS: Four - one to change it and three to pick out the perfect
Patagonia outfit for the occasion

HOLY CHILD: Three - one to screw in the lightbulb, and the other two
to spread rumors about her and her screwing

HOLTON ARMS: Two - One guy to do it for her, and one girl to blame him
for her problems 

GONZAGA: Ten - a female teacher to change it, eight students to look up her
skirt while she does it, and a priest so they can go confess their sin the
next Sunday

BLAIR: Six - one to change it and five to protect him from the crossfire,
beeach!

STONE RIDGE: One - cause the rest of them are hanging out at Prep

GEORGETOWN VISITATION: Two - one to change it and the other to lie about
how it happened

ROCKVILLE: Two - one to screw it in and the other to remember her
experiences

MADEIRA: It never happened, they're too busy practicing their screwing