ONE LINERS

Corduroy pillows:  They're making headlines!

For Sale:  Parachute.  Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Shin:  A device for finding furniture in the dark.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Energizer Bunny Arrested!  Charged With Battery.

I poured spot remover on my dog, now he's gone.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

How do you tell if you've run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army,  meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing Stock:  cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask for your name?

Wear short sleeves!  Support your right to bear arms.

Boycott Shampoo. Demand real Poo!

OK.  So what's the speed of dark?

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.